Dilemmas of single parents – How, I think, you can deal with some issues easily
by - Casey Nolan | 12 months ago
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People, in their youth, view life in a different manner. For instance, when I was a kid, I thought that the world is simply perfect; there are no bad people, life is beautiful because there are no hard realities, guests are always welcome to stay over as long as they want – so on and so forth. The reason for such perception was that kids have a sense of purity in them; they don’t feel the atrocities as adults do.
The only time I ever came close to “sorrow” and grief, was the loss of my favorite toy car, or a coloring book. (I still hate my brother for dumping my books in the sewers in 4th grade!). However, things changed; growing up, as I still recall today, was a challenging experience. It still is; I have to manage between family life and many other things.
I learned a lot about relationship problems and real life issues pretty soon. Speaking of relationships, divorce was something I became familiar to at an early age. Her name was Kate, one of my far flung family acquaintances. She fell in love with a guy, it’s the usual story. The guy’s mom didn’t approve of her, and constantly pressurized her son to leave the girl.
Two sons and couple of years later, Kate found herself dealing with a divorce, a prenuptial agreement and a lonely life. As far as I heard, she didn’t marry again because her sons grew up to an age where they wouldn’t recognize the new man in their mother’s life. But it is not that much of a reason to not marry; maybe she just didn’t want to trust anyone again.
Divorce has become a common issue in today’s day ‘n age. We madly fall in love with someone, or we’re made to marry someone via different pressure tactics from elders. This kind of cultural effect is seen in Asia, but its traces are still found in America, the UK and many other parts of the world.
If you were to ask me; I wouldn’t bet all on love marriage alone. Many love marriages turn out to be nothing more than infatuation in fact. But the couple learns of it much later; so much that they decide to split up after having a baby or two – just as in the case of Kate. Sure, there is absolutely no apparent harm in splitting up; why live together and be unhappy when you can separate and live life your way.
The question, however, is about kids; little babies or two year olds, who have to live with either one of their parents? What does a child go through when his or her school buddies say:
- Hey Matt, how come your dad never comes to pick you up?
- Sarah, do you have a mom?
- What does your old man do?
- We’re having a parent’s reunion thing at the school, and we’d love for you to bring them over.
The list varies from person to person or kid to kid. At times, these kids really don’t have an answer – except for a nod or a confused look. The present, and I’d rather say “increasing” parents’ separation crisis is leaving a direct impact on our youths’ lives.
Experts believe that the rate of couple separation pushes those kids to come back home and line their parents up with many questions. Sooner or later, the mother of father in question is confronted with the “Hey Dad, you never told me about my mom,” or “Mom I need to know about my father; today my friends asked about him and I really didn’t know what to tell them.”
As a matter of fact, I have personally known a few single parents who have to face this morbid confrontation in the long run. There is a girl who lives few blocks down the road from my place. She is single and does not plan to get married anytime soon. She has a son; he is quite old and she told me that she left her husband because he was abusive. The son, of course, doesn’t know the real reason behind his parents’ separation and neither is this mother inclined on sharing it with him anytime soon.
I did tell her that eventually you son is going to ask you, maybe if not today, you can see the question coming out of his mouth several years later. She knows, but she says that she will find a way to tell her son the truth, instead of making up any story or a lie.
And let’s not be completely biased here because I have also known a few single dads as well. One of them filled me in on details about his marital life. His wife left him and his son to live with her boyfriend. The deranged husband was, and still is, at good terms with his ex-wife. He’d send his son over to her place several States apart, to help him bask in the ambiance of maternal love.
I told this guy that you should tell your son that his mother’s not the ideal version of people out there, but he believes that his son will eventually come back and stop seeing her for good. It seems that things didn’t go as planned because the last time he sent his son, they never sent him back.
Did the kid’s birth mother think about the guy who she was once related to? Did she heed and respect all those years when the father had to take care of everything? All she knew was that she was going to get married to a well-connected man, who’d have enough money to help the little boy get through his life with quality education and better prospects so she thought about not sending him to his father.
The general perception of single parents:
Single parents have nothing but their kids to themselves, aside from any moral support from grandparents’ side. Whenever they have to sacrifice a kid to their ex, a feeling of insomnia, restlessness and insecurity kicks in. Single moms have to cope with work routine while at the same time trying to raise their little ones all on their own. These women have to play the role of a father; someone who had been technically absent from their lives for years.
She has to take the baby to the hospital, she has to deal with her day job, she has to come up with the expenses, she has to avoid letting child protection agents barge in. Soon after the separation, the mundane life morphs itself into a systematic cycle. Waking up first thing in the morning, preparing breakfast, dressing them up, dropping them at school – It all goes on like clockwork.
Years go by, and before you know it, it’s the graduation day. Your Son or daughter has grown up and you can’t bear with the fact that one day, they’ll have to move out.
The dilemmas of stay at home moms… or dads:
Parents normally don’t promote themselves to the “Stay at Home” status by will. They have a good reason, not to stay at home. But then again, they have to go with it. Generally, stay at Home moms or dads are bound to the crib because of the following reasons:
- Don’t have enough resources to hire a nanny
- Don’t trust a babysitter, as he or she’d not take care of the kid the same way as I do
- Expenses are too much, so I better get down to Make Money Online sort of business.
- My hectic work routine is compromising my relationship with kids. I have to be there for them.
Let’s jump to the next step; you’ve taken the decision to stay inside and look after the family – that’s a “Leap of Faith”, and you have my fair share of pats and hugs. I’d advise you to hunt for an online job or any other task that requires from you to conveniently earn a stable livelihood. There’re tons of freelance parents who work from home, but they also have to deal with their kids.
If your kid is a mere toddler or a restless 2-year old soul, he/she is bound to grab your attention by all means.
Observe the following situation:
You have a baby boy, and a 3-year-old girl. Your baby’s sleeping peacefully in a cot right beside you, while you hum your way through the keyboard. Your girl barges in and starts rocking the baby real hard. She wants you to play with her, but you can’t make her understand the complexity of the situation. Plus, she may yank the cot too hard and the baby might fall down. Hence, you’d have to stop working and divert all your attention to the kids.
As a result, your work submission is probably going to be delayed by several hours. Trust me; kids are going to keep you involved in their stuff for quite some while. The employer, on the other hand, will only tolerate such “excuses” for delayed submissions only for a few times until he or she decides to replace you.
What’s the solution?
Get someone to help you:
- Sure, you don’t have your partner besides you. He or she’d have understood your commitment to your online job, but the case is quite the opposite. Your best bet is to ask someone close to you, to look after the kids as long as you’re working. Ask a friend, or a friend’s friend, or your aunt or uncle to render a few hours of voluntary baby care aid. You’ll love it.
Hire a nanny or a baby sitter:
- Your expenses don’t have a lot to do with hiring a baby sitter. How so? If you’re planning to hire someone part time to take care of the kids. Try saving up half the amount of money as what the caretaker would charge. At least, you’d have him/her hanging in there besides your little kids for half a month. For the remaining days, you can and you HAVE to work your butt off to come up with the remaining amount of cash.
- Don’t worry, the first two months will be a little difficult to cope with, but as soon as you’ll have a steady cash flow lined up, your life will become quite easy.
Shift your work schedule to night time:
- Late nights are the best way of working from home. Your kids will be off to bed and you’ll have 4 to 5 hours of peace and comfort. Savor these hours and use them to focus on your daily work stuff. If you’re a blogger who makes money through the website, you’ll be easily wading through a couple of articles at night.
What if the kid wakes up?
- Good call. Kids DO wake up in the middle of the night, and mostly for no reason. Sometimes they have a bout of a nightmare or something and they start crying right from the same note where they left off the last time. Heck, if it’s a baby, you’d have to keep that little stomach satiated. The quickest solution is to work on a laptop or a notebook. Leave it idle for a few minutes. Lull your son or daughter to sleep and get back to work again.
- If it is a Desktop PC, re allocate it within the reach of your kids’ room. Just stay where you can easily hear them in the middle of the night.
As parents, we cannot rest when our children experience pain. Far from injury, my child was likely joyful in my respects, warming daily to his mother’s long absent embrace while I bled in his absence. I would not rest until he lay down to sleep in his Seattle bedroom, not half a continent away in what was now his permanent bedroom within his mother’s house.
If you happen to be a single dad, and you don’t want to work from home, fair enough. I understand it. Do you have a brother or a handful of relatives nearby? You can drop the kids there before going to work. By the time, you’ll be back, you can pick ‘em up.
My closing thoughts don’t actually conclude this topic…
Know this that life doesn’t stop at one point. There’s always a moment, there’s always a way out. You just have to deal with it. You went through a bad experience in your life, but your kids don’t have to suffer, do they? So live up to their expectations and you’ll be able to find a way through everything. Trust me, time and tide don’t always remain the same. Things DO get better at some point in life.
About Casey Nolan
Hello everyone, I am Bilal Malik AKA 'Casey Nolan'; Head Editor and owner of 'Infinarium.Com'. For product reviews, article requests, recommendations, or if you just want to get something off your chest, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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